Hi my name is Charlotte and I’m a recovering alcoholic, addict, bulimic amongst other things. I came into recovery when I was 18, through a treatment centre. My life just seemed to be getting worse and worse, I couldn’t hold a job, I couldn’t communicate unless I was drunk or high, and then I wouldn’t want to. I couldn’t be part of any relationship and I thought I needed to do things to please others, at the expense of myself.

My father died when I was 8 which had a massive impact on me. I felt lonely, scared and abandoned so when I first began to drink and use I enjoyed it as it took all these feelings away. It made me feel whole and complete and seemed to make everything ok. I felt protected and I could do almost everything. It became everything to me and it was all that mattered.

The feelings of wholeness didn’t last, the alcohol and drugs etc, stopped working and I stopped being able to get rid of the shame, guilt and remorse that my life was riddled with. When I used, my morals and value systems were attacked, I did things that were morally unacceptable, but with drugs and alcohol they became acceptable. I always felt that without something to make me feel better I wouldn’t be able to survive.

I have experienced relapse in recovery which has only made me stronger, it taught me things that I needed to learn. Everything about my life needed to change, the way I thought, the way I lived, just about everything that I did. The 12 steps enabled me to do this; they reprogrammed my mind and taught me how to live. They showed me that drugs and alcohol were not going to solve my problems anymore.

Before recovery I had never really experienced life, I never knew how and now my life is better than I could ever have imagined. Today I have healthy relationships, I am engaged to be married next year which is a dream come true. I can think for myself instead of believing everything everyone else tells me. I’m at university, which is incredible as I never finished school. Today when feelings come up that used to rip me apart I have ways of handling them.

I have no regrets and see that everything has happened because it was meant to. I love life today and I don’t have to hide from the world anymore. I have friends and family that I love and they love me.

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