Hi my name is Jennifer and I'm an alcoholic. 

I grew up in what I thought was a normal family unit, mum and dad split when I was 11 but apart from that, my normal seemed normal. I was a very shy girl and always felt on the sidelines, left out and that I wasn’t interesting to anyone so stayed very much a loner with just a couple of friends. I had no or little confidence, was full of fear, felt like the proverbial ugly duckling and felt that I just didn’t fit in.

Then I had my first drink of alcohol… wow amazing, suddenly I felt like I was ok, that I was good fun, that I fitted in, that life was good. I got very drunk and made a fool of myself, but I didn’t care. After that if there was any parties to go to I was there, drinking away, snogging all the boys, dancing like crazy and getting loads of attention…. I loved it.

I met and married my now ex-husband and had my daughter by the time I was 23 and had by 24 left him and done a geographical and moved myself and my daughter to another country.

Now I believed I deserved some fun, I had spent a few years being the boring wife and now it was my turn to enjoy myself. I discovered the local spots and its amazing night life. Out every weekend (you see I didn’t drink everyday, I just went mad at weekends when I could), I was the bee’s knee’s, I was the sexiest dancer in any club, I was the hottest chick who could pull whoever she wanted too, if I wanted to – or so I believed, more likely I was an easy target for a quick shag. I really believed I was having an absolute ball.

After a year or two I started to get fed up with not finding myself the right man and decided I had had enough of mad nights out. I started having dinner parties, now these were great, I could pack my daughter upstairs with a friend and a pizza while I entertained downstairs and I didn’t have to even give driving a thought. God knows what would of happened if my daughter had got ill and I needed to take her to the doctor. This was great as it also stopped me from getting into trouble with men. I didn’t wake up with the sinking feeling of oh god I’ve done it again. I had decided that I wasn’t going to sleep with anyone else until I found Mr Right. Well this worked to a degree, then there would be outside parties once in a while and low and behold my morals would go right out the window and I’d end up in another situation. So I started to control my drinking more and stopped going out as much. I changed my brand from whiskey to barcardi. I tried everything because you see I didn’t think it was the drink that was my problem I thought it was life. If only I could find Mr Right everything would be ok.

Then the final night arrived, the final night of a huge drinking bender where yet again I ended up in a situation with a guy, but this time I put a lot on the line. You see I had a good job, one I loved and I had always been incredibly reliable.  I was about to buy my first home and had the mortgage basically approved and was just waiting to complete, I was really doing ok on the surface. That final drink though put all that in jeopardy, I could of lost my job due to my indiscretion then I would of lost my apartment as the mortgage wouldn’t of gone ahead, I would have been homeless, jobless and in a right mess. Somewhere I never dreamed I would end up.

That following morning I reached out for help, I realised I couldn’t carry on this way anymore and that the alcohol was the root of my problems.

From that day I haven’t had to take a drink. It’s been just over 3 and half years now and it has been an amazing journey. I won’t say it has been easy because it hasn’t, I have had to live life on life’s terms. I was diagnosed with cancer 8 months into recovery but I got through it without picking up an alcoholic drink. I got made redundant but I didn’t have to pick up a drink. Normal “life” stuff has happened and at no point have I had to pick up. I have grown in confidence, I am now happy in my skin without a drink, I now believe I am a worthy and beautiful person inside and out. I have done things I would never have the courage to do, it is amazing and each day I am grateful and happy so long as I don’t pick up that first drink. If I want all my misery back I can have it with just one sip, but that’s not an option for me today. Im happy today and I want to stay that way.

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